nothing I can do

Today, it really began to dawn on me. Professional women, who also happen to be mothers, are almost forced to put their jobs ahead of their kids. I never would have thought things at work would be so unsure even a month ago. I thought that by now, I would have gotten it all together balancing family and at work.

I thought that maybe I would have even been working from home by now so that I could also be there for Ryan the way I was able to be there for Haylee. (I mean, why not? I was put on call the first week I got back from maternity leave. ) I never left Haylee with another caregiver until she was a year old. And even then it was my own mother and grandmother. I was there when she first laughed, when she first crawled, and when she first walked. Ryan on the other hand, will be with daycare providers. I am not sure what will help with all the sadness, and the guilt. Tick tock goes the clock. I won’t ever be able to get these years back, and there’s really nothing I can do about it. I love community.

p.s. this week at work was pretty good. but i lived and worked over 50 hours this week. trying to “make up” for my absence with a new team is damn near impossible.

– moved from my original blog darkbluesun. blogspot. com