1. Marry my man
2. Graduate
3. Drink more water and exercise a lot more
4. Throw a big girlie party for Haylee’s 5th birthday
5. Throw a big party for Ryan’s first birthday
6. Pay off a lot of debt
7. Have Fun
- moved from my original blog darkbluesun. blogspot. com
I have accomplished a lot of things in my life, and there are many more things I want to accomplish. Not necessarily bigger things, but definitely important things. I have found true love, which some people go through their entire lives without knowing what that is like. The thing is, I know how lucky I am. There are 19 more days until Christmas, only 25 more days until a whole new year starts, and almost 7 months exactly to plan a wedding. There is much to do, but I’m much too tired today today to list all of it.
If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.
Life is short, make it exciting.
– moved from my original blog darkbluesun. blogspot. com
Two pictures taken 26 years apart
with a striking resemblance.
These pictures give new meaning to the words like father like son for me!
Ryan is sleeping on the floor. He rolled over for the first time today. Haylee was playing on Barbie. com; we just discovered the fun of the room makeover site. She was on it for almost an hour! (Not all at once of course.) I’ve been sorting through papers and updating baby books all day. Phil played Sim City 3000 on his laptop for much of the day. 
Today was a very good, relaxing day. Tomorrow will be good too.
Oops, better Go. Phil just came back from Panda Express with dinner!
– moved from my original blog darkbluesun. blogspot. com
My Final Paper – Concepts of Wellness
I’m sharing just because we are always developing something.
A specific lifestyle area that I would like to develop is the ability to stop worrying so much. It’s funny how some people never really realize how much they worry. As I was working through this online course, and posting messages in response to others’ posts, I began to realize how much I like to solve problems. Whether the problem was someone else’s or my own, I could plan out detailed ways of solving the problem. The only downfall was thinking upon it later and worrying: “What else could I have done or said to solve it better or quicker?” Of course this would create problems that didn’t even really exist. When I do these things, I never really realize how much time I waste. Now, I need just go with the flow more. When I worry so much about so many different things, life stops being fun and starts being another chore.
Blah, blah, blah, there was a lot of rambling here trying to cover all the bases of the paper’s requirements like:
If you want to develop any specific strength in your life, you can ask yourself these questions to plan your own development.
This paper has been thought provoking and self-motivating. I was going over all of the things that I want to develop in my life. I want to develop as a mother, daughter, granddaughter, friend, worker, and fiancé. So, in conclusion, I must reflect and acknowledge that I have a lot of work to do to develop and find out who I am supposed to be and what my purpose is. When I really stopped and thought about what would truly improve my life. I decided I really need to develop my sense of “self”. Also, I need to stop worrying about things I can’t control. The tension in my life is causing me to be edgy and impatient. I have sort of stopped living, but the time marches on. Until recently, I have been the kind of girl who loves life and wants to live life to the fullest. I have simply let too many things stress me out.
I only get this one life to live. So why worry so much? All I can do is the very best I can and that is all.
– moved from my original blog darkbluesun. blogspot. com
Today, it really began to dawn on me. Professional women, who also happen to be mothers, are almost forced to put their jobs ahead of their kids. I never would have thought things at work would be so unsure even a month ago. I thought that by now, I would have gotten it all together balancing family and at work.
I thought that maybe I would have even been working from home by now so that I could also be there for Ryan the way I was able to be there for Haylee. (I mean, why not? I was put on call the first week I got back from maternity leave. ) I never left Haylee with another caregiver until she was a year old. And even then it was my own mother and grandmother. I was there when she first laughed, when she first crawled, and when she first walked. Ryan on the other hand, will be with daycare providers. I am not sure what will help with all the sadness, and the guilt. Tick tock goes the clock. I won’t ever be able to get these years back, and there’s really nothing I can do about it. I love community.
p.s. this week at work was pretty good. but i lived and worked over 50 hours this week. trying to “make up” for my absence with a new team is damn near impossible.
– moved from my original blog darkbluesun. blogspot. com
It’s the first day of October and it feels like fall today. We just made a big pot of chilli. I am very tired today, and I have a very long week ahead of me. I need to gather all my inner strength or else I won’t make it through the week. I guess I’m still struggling with postpartum tiredness.
– moved from my original blog darkbluesun blogspot com
There is a song I really like that says “Wake me up when September ends”. Welp, September is just about over. And I have to say it was a really tough month. But it can only get better from here. It’s been hell going back to work. I have not been able to keep up with anything. Phil carries more than his amount of work. I don’t know why I am so tired. I think this may be some kind of mix between postpartum depression/ work stress/ and separation anxiety?
I never experienced any of these things after Haylee was born. However, I worked for my mom and I took Haylee to work with me. (Yes, and I did awesome.) The only sad part in that story is that I didn’t have a maternity leave at all. I had Haylee on a Thursday and went right back to work on Monday. Yeah, supermom is an understatement. I don’t know what’s different this time. Maybe it’s all the changes. New position at work, new house, new baby. . .
Oh yeah, not to mention my parents business burned to the ground a month ago. Anyways, online classes start last Wednesday. Wish me luck. Life has been Crazy. It can only get better though right?
– moved from my original blog darkbluesun blogspot com
I cannot believe that Ryan is six weeks old. yesterday. Why must time go so fast? I am so happy being a mom. I love my babies with all my heart. Haylee is doing fabulously in her new class. Phil must feel a little neglected, because I haven’t really stopped working from sun up to sundown. Not even to write in my blog. (which I think I have decided I like blogging better than journaling) If I can get my things in order before I go back to work, then life will be easier. Haylee’s room is still a mess, but that’s because she just has too many toys and clothes. 
What a terrible problem to have right? Mine and Phil’s room is still wall to wall of laundry and papers I need to go through and throw away. It’s been difficult to get around to, I’m not sure where to begin when I go in there. . . But I feel like once I get it all the way that I want it, life will be easier. We have tried to bring two housefuls of stuff into one house. (Not to mention being pregnant half the time and post baby body issues the second! HaHa, ok TMI right?) For the first few months its just tripping over things, seemingly endless baskets of clothes. I am feeling a little better about it today. I am still no where near done, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am trying to enjoy the last day that Ryan and I have together. I have definitely bonded with him. He is definitely an wonderful blessing. It’s so funny, because I loved Haylee just as much. Now that I am older and have already been a mother, it definitely feels a little more natural this time. With Haylee, it was also natural to love her, but I had no idea what I was doing. I had mom and Gramma always there telling me what to do. I am not saying that being a mother a second time makes me an expert. But as always, experience has it’s advantages.
– moved from my original blog darkbluesun. blogspot. com
I usually don’t care much about the news in Martinsville. Today was different.
My parents owned an ISP. I started doing tech support for that ISP at age 13. That was the beginning of my passion for technology. I learned as much as I could as often as I could (and still do). While most teens are out there dating and driving, I was on the computer. My favorite thing to do was learn HTML, a little bit of programming and new OS platforms. Like Windows, Unix, even DOS.
The fire was horrible, because my mother and father lost everything. A domino affect happened after this, my parents ended up closing shop. Because it was arson against the house next door that spread to the Rnet building, they fought tooth and toenail for the insurance company about getting the money to get setup again. Before they could get any resolution, RnetInc went into Bankruptcy and my Parents began losing everything that they ever worked for. Since 97, Rnet was everything to my parents. They even mortgaged their house to use the money and invest in projects that Rnet had going on in Lafayette, Chicago, and even St. Louis, MS. They had just signed a million dollar deal. It might have even been the first time in my dad’s life where he really felt successful.
My parents are not bad people. So why did this happen? Dad still works at his full time at his job at the power plant he’s worked at for 25+ years.
– moved from my original blog darkbluesun. blogspot. com